What does one say?

I have an friend who is the mother of four less-than-beautiful children. By less-than-beautiful, I mean slightly terrifying. My friend and her husband.... well, lets just say the only runway they've ever been on is at the airport. My friend, (we'll call her..... Quasimodo? That's a little harsh. How about Helen?) Helen, is always emailing pictures of her "gorgeous" children. Even though I know what the emails are going to contain, I still have to repress the impulse to recoil violently.

"So what?" you say. "Big deal! Everyone thinks their own kids are athletic supermodel-geniuses." While this is decidedly true, Helen's fantasy runs a little deeper than most. Helen wants to enter her two youngest daughters (3 and 5) in a beauty pageant.

After the initial shock and subsequent fit of laughter, I became immediately grateful that I received the news in an email and not over the phone. I'm not that good a liar. I replied to the email, stating my feelings about pageants at large (for the record, I abhor them,) and tactfully avoiding discussion of her daughters' err... shortcomings. She replies that she figured that's how I would feel about pageants, but that she wanted to know whether or not HER kids should enter. Since my last email (apparently) wasn't specific enough, I had to employ every ounce of diplomacy I possessed. Ever see the movie "Little Miss Sunshine"? Good. Now imagine that it was a horror film and you'd get the picture. These girls winning a beauty pageant would be like Paris Hilton being awarded the MacArthur Fellowship.

Helen then sent me a recent picture of her 5 year old and another of the dress she was considering buying for her. As the phrase "A face only a mother could love" entered my mind, I was touched by the love-goggles that my friend had for her kids. In her eyes, they are perfect, and I guess that's all that really matters.

Its sweet in a blindly delusional sort of way.

In the Thick of Things

While browsing around the internet today during the rare but blissful synchronized twin nap, I remembered my long-neglected blog. My extended absence from the blogosphere can be attributed to my two little angels who, to protect the not-so-innocent, I will dub Bonnie and Clyde. They were born happy and healthy and currently occupy about 23.75 hours of my day. I did, however, get a little break from them today to go to the dentist. (Notice the distinct absence of angelic choirs.) Temporary filling with a 40% chance of root canal in the near future.

My quest for self-improvement has taken a turn for the... different? While I still aspire to a clean house and a hot dinner on the table, I have had to throw the to-do list out the window and cut myself some slack. As a self-proclaimed type A control freak, this has been no small feat. I have, however, managed to work part time, care for my twins, bake my own bread, make my own butter, keep the kids, The Hubs, and the (now pregnant) dog fed, and still keep the household dirt diwn to an acceptable level. I recently baked a pretty fabulous fruit tart and am currently sewing a dress to wear to my cousin's wedding in May. (Please forgive the somewhat boastful nature of this paragraph. I feel rather entitled to a little back-patting.)

Well. Pardon the abrupt ending to this post, but Clyde is starting to fuss. And there's.... wait for it.... Bonnie yowling as well. Ta Ta.

Double Trouble

Now that I am out of the first trimester and, for the most part, past the throwing up, the desire to sleep 22.5 hours a day, and the inability to string a coherent thought together, it is time to get back to the business of...well, er...whatever it was that I was doing before.

Most of you who read this blog already know, but for anyone who doesn't, The Hubs and I are having twins! I am currently 13 weeks and they were both healthy and strong as of our last ultrasound a few weeks ago.

Now, onto the show.

Lately, the improvements I have been making to my life have felt more like trying to keep my head above water whilst baking two buns in the oven. Cooking dinner after working a ten hour day felt like a major accomplishment and after hauling myself out of bed at 5:00 am for an entire workweek, I felt like I deserved a medal. However, as the first trimester unpleasantries have started to fade, my focus has been staying on top of my house work. It is soooooo terribly easy to say "that dirty kitchen can wait til.... someday in the not-too-distant future...."

I have always been more of an Amelia Bedelia than a Martha Stewart, but I want to raise my kids in a clean, organized, put-together environment. I am sure that my definition of those particular adjectives will change a bit once I have two newborns to care for, but I figure its best to get a habit established anyway. I have been making an effort to at least stay on top of the laundry, do the dishes more than once a week, and keep The Hubs' shirts ironed and presentable-looking. The Hubs was recently asked to start wearing shirt and tie to work, so the throw-it-in-the-dryer-with-a-wet-towel trick doesn't quite cut it anymore. Suprisingly, however, I have found the regular ironing to be quite enjoyable. It is a chore in which no scum is involved (such as shower scum or baked-on food scum) and the results are so crisp looking. I feel positively June Cleaver-ish while I'm ironing. Maybe I should start wearing an apron and pearls...

Tomorrow, I am going to bathe the dogs and tackle a long-neglected and scum covered shower. The dogs love baths so that will be the easy part. (We regularly find our younger dog, Lucy, just hanging out in the tub...) The shower, on the other hand, is full of soap scum, dirt from Lucy's paws, and hard water stains. Not an easy mixture to clean. I have previously used Arm & Hammer shower cleaner, but that has strong fumes that I can't bring myself to consider safe for gestating fetuses. So I will be trying Ajax, a heavy duty scrub brush, and a lot of prayer.

I realize that my cleaning routine probably doesn't interest much of anyone, but I am trying to embrace the idea that once these babies are born (and I have recovered from the c-section,) I am going to be taking sole responsibility for the upkeep of my house. I will not be working outside the home, won't be going to school for a while, so I want to be able to take pride in my little kingdom. Bring it on June Cleaver.

I do, however, promise not to regale you with tales of the babies' latest bowel movements or any other gore of that nature, and that's just going to have to be good enough.

A New Reason to Improve

As of Thursday morning, I have an entirely new reason to do the things I do, to be come a better person- Thursday morning, after ten long months of trying, I found out that I am finally pregnant! It is just barely sort of starting to sink in that I am going to be somebody's mother. I feel prepared and inadequate all at once. Anyway, in order to prevent this blog from becoming a "Johnny threw up today" kind of blog, I will stay brief and just say that I am excited beyond what words can express. So in the spirit of my announcement, the artist I will feature today is Anne Geddes ;) (No analysis needed).

Bosch and Scale

The next artist I'd like to feature is a fascinating sixteenth-century Dutch painter named Hieronymus Bosch. There are so many reasons why I love Bosch's work. Let's take a look at the painting that is cosidered his masterpiece: The Garden of Earthly Delights



I apologize for the somewhat poor quality of the picture, its the best I could find online. This is oil paint on wood. There is an INCREDIBLE amount of detail in this painting that you just can't see in small scale. I encourage all of you to go to the library and look up a book with a larger image of this painting- its amazing. Here are some close-ups of the right side panel:









Now- why do I like these jumbled, slightly disturbing paintings so much? Firstly, consider the period in history in which they were painted. The Garden of Earthly Delights was completed in 1510! Martin Luther wouldn't post his Ninety-Five Theses for another seven years! This was a time in which portaits and religious paintings were the norm. To my (very limited) knowledge, although they contained religious content, nothing like these paintings had ever been done before. Look at the surreal creatures and objects in the close-ups. Its plain to see that later surrealist artists like Salvador Dali were heavily influenced by Bosch's work which was so entirely ahead of its time.

So how did Bosch create such a surreal, even nightmarish mood? It wasn't just his use of strange creatures- look at how he messes with the scale of everyday objects. All of the human figures are propotional to one another, but the flute, the bagpipes, and the animal skull, for example, are all gigantic in proportion to the humans. It gives the viewer an feeling of vague uneasiness which the theme of the painting only enhances.

Scale is an interesting tool that artists use to inspire certain feelings in the viewer. Consider the Sistine Chapel, for example. A viewer's breath is simply taken away by the massive scale of the work. Then after the feeling of overwhelming awe subsides, the viewer can look at the individual frescoes. As you're out and about looking at various advertisements, buildings, landscape designs, etc., consider how the creator used scale to convey his point. In advertisements, a product is often portrayed as being much larger than it actually is. Like this ad, for example:




If the bottle were actually this big, it would take an NFL player to lift it. But the proportionally large scale of the bottle draws your attention to it.

On a somewhat unrelated note: Donovan McNabb, I hope you enjoy the death of your career with the Washington Redskins.

Art Lesson

Going back to school in a creative field has made me realize just how important the creative process is in my life. Being in an art class again has made me feel like a big part of me that was asleep for a long time is alive and engaged again. Since art is once again a big part of my life, I'd like to start featuring an artist each week (or, let's be honest here, as often as I get to it). For the most part I will not be featuring artists like DaVinci and Van Gogh whose work everyone is fairly familiar with- I want to talk about some lesser-known artists. Not obscure, necessarily, but not uber-famous either. So without further ado, I'd like to introduce you to the work of a Collage artist named Dick Allowatt. (I'm starting with him because I'm currently doing a project based on his work.) Dick started his art career as a Graphic Designer but now works in collage and assemblage. I like his work because not only is the composition great, but his work is also quite thought-provoking. Take this collage for example:




This collage is called "Golden Girl". It is an interesting take on our obsession with beauty and body image. Note the asymmetrical balance of the angels and the fabric and the unity brought to the whole piece by the repetition of the blue shade in the angels' tunics, the girl's swimming suit and the saints' outfits and by the gold in the background, the arches, and the girl's hair. This is a really well put together piece. Let's look at another one:




This piece, entitled "Miss Fortune" is a really neat mixed-media collage. I love the combination of the renaissance-style painting with the Bookie's log. A lot of collage is purely aesthetic, but Dick Allowatt really says something with each piece. The project I am currently composing is based on "Golden Girl" and I will post a picture of my piece when it is complete.


Here is more of Dick Allowatt's work:


So there's your art lesson for the day. Or week. Or however long it takes me to post again.

Time for a Change

Another day, another dollar. It sounds so simple, but employment is such a big part of modern life. For the last two years I have worked at a job that was good for a while, terrible for a while, and then ended up being great. My coworkers are nice, my boss is the best boss I've ever had, and the hours are completely ideal- but I have hit a dead end. A few weeks ago I was promised a promotion, and then a change in company policy made said promotion impossible. In fact, this change made it highly unlikely that I will ever be able to advance. My boss laments the fact that I will not be able to do this other job he had intended for me, but this bolt from the blue came from high above his head. So although there are a lot of things that I really like about my job, it is time for a change. I am putting the feelers out there for a new job. Although some people would be fine with a never-changing job, I am not one of those people. I need to be able to grow and improve. So I will take my time and find just the right job that will probably be pretty similar to the one I have now, but with advancement opportunities. I have been at my current job long enough so that it won't look like I can't hold onto a job, and I will be leaving on great terms with lots of good recommendations. So I feel that the time is right for a change in employment, hopefully at a place where I can stay until I have my degree, 45 years from now.